Dissociative Identity Disorder, also known as multiple personality disorder, is a disorder that occurs to 1.5% of the world’s population. Yes, that’s right, 1.5%! For most of us who have this disorder, we have 2-3 alters. What is an alter you may ask? An alter is another person, or soul, that takes over your body and mind. Depending on the type of relationship you have, they can have either partial or total control of your body. Some people with this disorder have reoccurring amnesia between switches while others, like me, can see through a foggy window what is going on. Switching is when the person in control swaps to another alter or the host. The host is the original being that was born in the body or the alter who has resumed the most daily control. Each alter has its own personality and age; however, they share characteristics from the host’s childhood life. At times, a new alter may join due to an unexpected stress or trauma. This is the brain’s way of handling the situation and emotions. We would like to raise awareness and hope to those who are going through the same things.
It would come as a shock for me to find out that I had DID at the age of 21. While I was in my junior of college, I began to experience tics. Tourette’s runs in my family’s bloodline so I immediately racked it up to that. However, a visit to a neurologist would tell me otherwise. I do have tics, and am borderline Tourette’s, but that was not what was occurring inside my body. While at college, I began to have a rapid growth of muscular tics. Eventually, it turned into small vocal sounds. Once it was summer, I returned home, and that’s when Sally made her grand entrance. I began to tic in words, then in phrases, then in complete sentences. Every time she spoke, my body would twitch. Somehow, Sally had combined herself with my tics. Once she started speaking, my friends and family found her to be hilarious for her bluntness. I had not yet realized that she was not a tic. When the neurologist diagnosed me with a personality disorder, I was in complete denial for an entire year. I could not believe that Sally was not a tic because every single time she spoke, my body would twitch. Now, I realize that being in denial was the most dangerous thing I could have ever done.
My biggest fear when my whole life changed, was the thought that because I had a disorder, my entire life was ruined. My life, however, was only altered, it was not shattered. I was given a better life, one I could never have imagined for myself. I was in college, planning to graduate with a bachelors in music and elementary education. I was taking 18 credits of classes, three music groups, and was living with roommates who were either blind or deaf, making me their caretaker. I had a lot going on when my world was turned upside down. I found myself exhausted, taking naps between classes, and falling asleep in corner booths. My body could not take the amount of pressure I was under anymore. Sally was taking all of my extra energy and making it hard for me to sleep. Over the next year, I had to find a way to readjust my life to fit my new needs. The second to last semester, I only took two classes, cared for my brother, and helped my then boyfriend (now husband). Sally still felt overwhelmed by the amount of work I had, but I was able to focus when it was needed. After some time, I was only able to function for half of a workday. And that’s okay. I was able to finish my bachelors in music and am now planning on doing my masters. At first, I was really concerned about the fact that I got tired easily considering I planned on being a teacher. However, after speaking to my mom, I realized that it is actually a good thing. I plan on being an SPED teacher. That allows me time to rest and time for any other passions, such as this blog! I hope that we can all find ways to work with our new situations and find solutions that are catered to fit us.
Dissociative identity disorder (DID) is a brilliant survival mechanism which enable me to endure unendurable suffering. It’s not mental illness. It’s a response to trauma.”— Carolyn Spring
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