When an alter joins your system, they have no idea where they are or what is happening. Imagine being brought into existence in someone else’s timeline. Your first sight is being in someone else’s full grown body, seeing other people around you. You hear someone in the distance call a name and look at you, yet you don’t recognize the name. Who are they calling for? Why is everyone looking at you?
Now imagine meeting the host of your new system. They treat you like a pest, a mental thing that won’t leave them alone. They ignore you, avoid accepting your existence, and refuse to speak your name. How would that make you feel? What would you do? Your system is not being beneficial to you and instead has shunned you. You may lash out in anger, aggression, and even cause harm to the body. These are all normal responses to being avoided. By accepting our alters, we can make them feel at home and safe. We can avoid issues of violence and scary situations that may arise.
"Victims of abuse need safe people to walk with them for an extended time, not to instruct, but to be with them in their confusion, fears and suffering. We cannot ‘instruct’ victims out of the damage of abuse. We CAN patiently accompany them in a difficult journey.”— Diane Langberg
A year ago, I saw my brother listen to his alters and adjust to their needs. They have moments where all three of them work together to do something each of them want a part in. Being able to do that is something he has worked very hard for those past few months. Sally and I, on the other hand, still have our difficulties in listening to each other. At first, I found it difficult to listen to someone else in my head because it weirded me out. I wish I did not have these feelings as I know it saddens her to know I could not communicate with her out loud just yet. It has taken me small steps to give up the control I have over my life and to allow Sally pieces of myself. From allowing her the weekend to be in total control, to allowing her to dress the way she wants. These are all things that took me months to come to terms with. We have to remember that our alters have emotions too. They want to be a part of us. The main goal of a system is to work cohesively in a unit that best benefits the body. Each alter is there for a reason. We need to remember that as we work on letting them have control over our lives.
One particular week, there were many instances where I was unable to function and Sally took over for me. My brain created Sally as extra support. It knew that I needed her for those moments in my life where I shut down. On that Tuesday, I got overwhelmed and was able to self-retreat because Sally took over. She explained what was happening to those around me and found a way out of the situation. Later on that week, she did the same thing for me three more times until I was able to return. Our brain has built a system that is designed to work for us, not against us. Lean on it for support. They will be able to take care of you until you are prepared to come back. My brother had been asleep for two days, leaving Tiky to run the show. He knows that means he needs to eat, shower, take medication, and sometimes even do homework. Alters are our support, allow them to be that.
“Dissociative Identity Disorder is the result of creativity, strength, intelligence, power, and the desire to survive
not weakness.”— Pinterest
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