Healing is very different from acceptance because it is the hard work that you have to do AFTER you have accepted your trauma. When you are on your healing journey, there are many hard moments when you need to talk about your trauma, cry about it, and then forgive yourself and others. REMEMBER forgive DOES NOT mean forget. Healing through your traumas teaches you how to live, you learn boundaries, and you relearn how to love yourself. Abuse will beat you down, tear down your self-love, and leave you in a puddle on the floor. Make sure that after you have accepted your situation, you start your healing process.
In counseling, I found myself crying when I recounted stories of bullying in high school. I had previously forgiven the memories, people, and events that occurred; however, it was obvious that I was still being affected by their memories. My counselor reminded me that sometimes a trauma can resurface and when that happens, it is best to forgive once again.
Recovery from trauma is not linear, as stated in the article below. Instead, it takes time, due to the fact that the trauma will resurface when we have a bodily sensation or reasoning behind it. Our mind and body will tell us things that we may not understand and our job is to listen and forgive in order to heal.
Many of us are in situations where we are still surrounded by people who caused trauma or stood by while it happened. Living like this can be triggering for the system and you may experience moments of protective switching. For instance, an outburst by someone who used to scream at you can cause PTSD and a switch. In order to feel safe in these types of environments, we must have boundaries.
Some boundaries can include avoiding scenarios that trigger outbursts, not allowing that person in your personal space, or even keeping them at an arms width. Remember, boundaries are here to keep us safe and at ease. If someone does not respect your boundary, that is a lack of respect and should not be tolerated.
Although we have boundaries, we must also allow ourselves to forgive. I’m not saying you have to let that person into your life; but by forgiving them, you allow yourself to heal. Forgiveness does not equal acceptance.
I was referred to psychological therapy for my DID. Once there, the therapist told me that I was unable to continue the session because I was already enrolled in counseling and it was unethical to be in both. I was quite confused by this, as I had even told my counselor I was pursuing a psychologist and was never told anything. I did some research on the situation and found no proof on not being able to be in both counseling and therapy; however, I did learn about the differences between the two. I have now switched over to a therapist and have already noticed a difference!
Counseling is described as focusing on one issue through short-term treatment. You learn coping techniques and problem- solve with your counselor. They are not legally allowed to give any type of diagnosis. Psychotherapy, on the other hand, treats a range and complex issues and is long-term.
“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.”— Brene Brown
“Trauma is personal. It does not disappear if it is not validated. When it is ignored or invalidated the silent screams continue internally heard only by the one held captive. When someone enters the pain and hears the screams healing can begin.”— Danielle Bernock
“Perhaps the butterfly is proof that you can go through a great deal of darkness yet become something beautiful”— Unknown
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